Have you ever felt empty on the inside? Like everything is going well, you have nothing to complain about, but you just feel like something is missing?
Every day is the same. Wake up. Get ready. Go to work. Bam, 8-9 hours of your life simply gone. You go back home. You have some food. You either spend a few hours in front of the TV, scrolling through social media, wasting your time… or you actually put in the effort to learn something new, to read a book that’s been on your shelf for months, to listen to your favourite podcast, to hang out with friends and loved ones, etc.
The lives we live can sometimes be so devout of human interaction and emotions, that’s it’s absolutely staggering. I am an ambivert which is just a fancy word for someone who is both an introvert and an extrovert depending on situations. I find it hard to form new relationships with people. I either click with a person or I don’t and the harder it is, the less energy I have for those interactions. Don’t get me wrong, I get along with pretty much everyone I meet, but there are few who will penetrate through my self-protection walls and fewer on whom I am willing to take a chance. All of my friendships and relationships are with people I can always rely on no matter how busy or how distant (location-wise) we are from each other. Few good ones instead of a sea of strangers that will use you and abuse you for their gain and entertainment.
Support networks of amazingly strong and resilient people, this is how I will describe my tribe. But even with those amazing people by my side, I sometimes still feel like a lone island. I have always been independent but the last 6 years have taken that independence to a stage where I am perfectly fine on my own. I am comfortable in my own company. I have learnt not to rely on other people for my own happiness. I have met so many people who are always waiting on others to do the things they want to, like they must always have someone by their side. There is no judgement in that.
Nevertheless, waiting on others to do the things you want to is not a healthy way of living. At least in my own experience. Let’s say you have made a promise to go to a specific place and that has always been your dream, but you are waiting on your bestie, on your partner, on whomever; the more this trip gets postponed, the more resentful and distant you become. This is no longer the fun trip you had planned, it has become a knife with two edges and one is hurting you, the other is hurting your relationship. Just go. Go on your own. Be selfish for once in your life. If your bestie, partner, whomever, is pissed that you are going without them… well, guess what, they have had the opportunity to come with you for such a long amount of time and they still didn’t take it. A loved one will not judge you for following your dreams. They will say, “Next time, I am definitely there”, and they will mean it. If not, well, that’s a different story altogether.
Taking the time to be on your own is such a precious experience. You learn so much more about yourself and about your boundaries. You learn how to fully accept and love yourself. You have the time to grow as a human being. You have the time to nurture yourself and follow your dreams. You know what makes you happy and that is essential. You cannot expect from someone else to know how to give you happiness if you have no bloody idea what you want.
The only drawback (and it’s not necessarily a bad thing!) is that you are very selective with the people who then want to enter your life. You have to learn how to share your time, feelings and dreams with them. When you are independent and happy with your own company, you don’t need people to validate you. You allow people next to you because you enjoy their company, they make your day a bit better, a bit funnier, a bit more exciting, but still you are your own person.
People like that don’t jump the gun to get into any sort of relationships, they first want to get to know the person sitting across. Texting only gets you so far, face to face communication is the way. Spending time together then allows people to decide whether they want you as a friend, a potential romantic partner, or they don’t want anything at all. Spending time together and communication being the key points.
I did start this post with whether you have ever felt empty when everything was going alright, but I guess it naturally transformed into talking about why being your own person is essential. I suppose that the two are interconnected. Sometimes when you enjoy spending time on your own you can go too far. You can self-isolate if you don’t have a support network of amazing human beings next to you and self-isolation is never a good thing when it comes to someone’s wellbeing. Remember friends, you are your first priorities but that also includes taking care of yourselves – go out, take a walk in nature, travel, spend time with friends, enjoy good food, go for a pint, go for a show, whatever works for you, just go! Do it! Don’t stay closed within four walls no matter how beautifully made those four walls are.
One last thing I want to say is give other people a chance. Give them a chance to penetrate through your protective walls. Never close yourselves off to the opportunity of meeting new people no matter how “comfortable” you are. Because guess what happens when you are on your own for too long without any friends or people you can talk to – you feel like a lone fucking island and you don’t see a way of approaching others. All of a sudden you have no one to share the good and the bad with.
Humans are social creatures. Introverts, extroverts, ambiverts, however you identify. We all need human contact. We all need someone to talk to, to share our days with, our dreams, our lives.
Whenever you feel like something is missing, it usually is… take a step back and ask yourself these simple things:
– when was the last time I spoke with my friends / parents / partner?
– when was the last time I made the effort of putting myself out there and meeting someone new (not every interaction is about meeting a romantic partner; meeting a new person and gaining their perspective on life and learning about their experience with topics of interest is amazing)?
– when was the last time I did something for myself / ticked something of my bucket list?
– when was the last time I fulfilled a promise that I have made to myself regarding my dreams or life?
These usually cover most basic reasons why humans feel like something is missing – human contact and the social aspect, accomplishing our dreams, letting ourselves down, etc.
I might have overdone it this time around with the word count but I hope this kind of content helps someone struggling with their feelings. I do realise that not everyone has the support networks I have, but there is always someone willing to listen, so please remember that even when you think you are on your own – you are not. Many of us tend to close off and work on things internally, but were you only to reach out and take a chance, I know that there will always be someone willing to listen.
Stay strong my friends and take a chance.
the eKat journey 