I remember that as a child I wanted nothing more than to grow up – nevermind, that I had no idea what being a grown-up meant. I had a head full of ideas and dreams and felt that the world was not moving at a pace fast enough for me to express them all. I needed to be an adult in order to accomplish everything I wanted, in order to be free and independent.
Living like that you start losing a bit of the magic within… many things happened in the past 10 years that made me into the grown up I “wanted” to be sans the fulfilled dreams and freedom. The more grown up I was, the less freedom I had. Many feel the same, it’s as if along the way you lose yourself and put on a fake mask to try and fool the world you can do it. “Yes, world, bring on adulting! I can do it!” – but you can’t…
In order to be an “adult”, you first need to realise that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a “child”, hell, embrace it! Embrace the inner child, the creative (yes, I used that word) thinking, the random ideas and thoughts, the impulses and the inner voice telling you that the world is your oyster. Conserve, protect and love that inner child. Only after you do that can you become the adult you wanted to be. Someone who can look back and say, “Damn, I am so glad I did that sh*t!”.
What is the alternative, well, that’s a grim reality many live in… you wake up every morning feeling miserable and depressed, you have a job you hate, you are in relationship that has grown cold but cannot leave, you have friends who are not your friends, you live in your own damn head and cannot escape from the prison you created. And it’s just that – a prison – of all the norms and expectations you have build for yourself. The “picture perfect” life you thought you wanted and cannot leave even when it’s crumbling all around you. So what is the solution then…
Well, first of all to hell with being perfect, no one is! Embrace all your imperfections and insecurities, learn to love yourself, darling. You cannot expect someone to love you if you cannot do it yourself. And when I say “love yourself”, I freaking mean it – no pussyfooting around this. You must be your first priority. Once you open up to yourself, you open up to the possibilities out there. Opportunities will start coming your way, you just need to take that first step (or mile-high jump) and surrender. Let go of your doubts and insecurities, no one can ridicule you, mock you or hurt you unless you give them that power over you. Just to clarify – if you are scared of doing something, but you know deep down in your heart that this is the right step for you – go and do it anyway! Fear will always be there, but you decide whether to truly live or to let it dictate every step that you make. You decide for yourself.
None of the things I laid above are easy to accomplish, especially when you feel lost and scared, miserable and insecure. But darling, if I can tell you one thing and one thing only, I would still say – “love yourself“. Life is so unpredictable, I have lost many people whose time it wasn’t supposed to come yet. Some lived life as warriors every single day and found joy in all the little things. Others were struggling and fighting against the bad cards life dealt them, but they too remained full of hope that a better day will come. Sometimes life takes you to unexpected places, but darkness illuminates the brightest stars.
Find your inner flame/spark/light, find the child you used to be, love yourself completely and undoubtedly, and surrender to a life of possibilities…
the eKat journey 