‘Само напред’ or ‘Only forward’ – those were the two words my dad told me as a farewell in June 2014 just before I left for Italy and then the UK to begin my new life. Their meaning: no matter how hard things get or how much people try to run you over, you go ‘ONLY FORWARD’.
For someone who is only 22 years old, I have sure been through a lot. I matured both physically and mentally way before any of my classmates. This led to some taking every available opportunity to hatefully chip away at my barely there confidence. As a consequence, I had many insecurities and was always doubting my self-worth.
Then during the what was supposed to be my ‘most-joyous’ years of life, I lost so many people – my maternal and fraternal grandmas, my maternal grandpa, one of my aunts and one of my cousins. Their passing shook my foundations and for a period of time all I knew was fear of the people I love most just disappearing before my eyes.
On top of all this sadness, my family started having financial problems that were all connected to a loan we took in order to build our own home. As people all around the world do, we chose the wrong construction company and were scammed of our money.
Me coming to the UK, that was pretty much all on me. I knew what I wanted and I was willing to work myself to burnout in order to achieve it. I didn’t even apply for a university back in Bulgaria – it was all or nothing.
Throughout everything I had my parents. They are my roots. They give me so much love and support that I am glowing with it. Letting go of everything and everyone I knew was not easy, but knowing that I have two people behind me who wish for my happiness makes me strong and resilient.
So yes, I will keep moving only forward until the day I die. I don’t have time for other people’s games and pettiness no matter what they once meant to me. I am not the girl I was all those years ago who would let anyone get to her. I am a freaking, badass warrior who protects and fights for herself and the ones who really matter.
So, no, thank you!
I only go FORWARD never BACKWARDS.
the eKat journey 
This is a very personal revelation of your feelings of loss. Everyone is alone but how we deal with that shapes our personality. I wonder if people feel threatened by your determination to drive forwards from the now. It is clear that you will achieve success in your academic life and reach your personal goals. I look forward to reading future posts and hearing about your progress.
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